The Aftermath
by rwr.burn.die
Summary: Just a bunch of stories set after "Cats and Generals". "Ice Cream Man" - They just wanted to go out, but then they got separated — one thing's for sure, Cloud is not allowed out by himself... ASGZC. Rated T for language.
1. Cookie Monster

**Cookie Monster**

**A/N:**** Depressive indie & post-hardcore music + insomnia & hours of boredom = this. Just a bunch of stories set after Cats and Generals.**

**Rated T for mild swearing and yaoi.**

**Pairing:**** Angeal/Sephiroth/Genesis/Zack/Cloud. ASGZC.**

**Summary:**** Cloud Strife was not a happy camper. He was PISSED, 'nuff said. And it was all for one little tiny reason….**

**I own ****nothing****.**

**-x-x-**

Cloud was not happy.

He was definitely NOT a happy camper. No, he was absolutely not. In fact, he was downright pissed as hell.

Why you ask?

It wasn't because of the pair of cat ears and tail that he found out were permanent. Or the fact that his fellow cadets now played pranks on him that now involved fish or some type string. Or even the fact that a certain scientist now had an entirely unhealthy obsession with him.

Nope. Not at all.

It was because of something else. Something that was a matter of life and death for the blond cadet. It was something that his lovers could not understand.

Cookies. 'Nuff said.

Angeal was making cookies. It was well known in the house that Angeal was one of the few that could cook without having some sort fire or explosion in the kitchen – the next being himself and, on a good day, Sephiroth. It was also by coincidence that Angeal was one of the best cooks the blond cadet knew.

And he was making cookies.

Not just any type of cookies. He was making motherfuckin' double choc chip cookies.

And no one was letting him have one. Not even Zack.

He wanted a cookie dammit!

They all said it was for the best. But it wasn't, at least not to him. Okay, so maybe it had something to do with the fact there was only forty minutes till dinner. Or maybe it was because he had a sweet tooth that rivaled Zack's. Or the fact that he was still recovering from that fever that was only a cold now, but still… Cookies were important and he'd be damned if he wasn't getting one.

And Cloud Strife happened to be one hell of a stubborn bastard. So when he wanted something, he was getting that something!

One way or another.

And right now he wanted a damn cookie. So really, it wasn't his fault if he very quietly got up from the couch and made his way to the kitchen. Besides, there, on the counter top lay one of the earlier batches Angeal had made and they still smelled so good. So it really wasn't Cloud's fault that he wanted one, otherwise his older lover wouldn't have just left them there to cool. Everyone knows you don't cookies unattended around one who was craving sugar.

So the cadet did the only thing he could think of and tried to stealthily get a cookie. This was of the few times he was glad for his extra attachments. They made his hearing and balance a hell lot better. And that was exactly what he needed to keep quiet.

And he was nearly there.

He was so close to his cookie. So close that Cloud could've sworn that he could already taste it.

_Just a little bit more…_

Until he was met with the face of one Angeal Hewley.

_Oh shit!_

Angeal looked mad. He was glaring at the blond with much anger, "Get back on the couch."

"B-b-but–" the blond whined

"Cloud," It was said in a low voice, "you're still sick."

A few seconds later, he was seated back on the couch with the older raven watching him like a hawk.

If he didn't get a motherfuckin' double choc chip cookie soon, he would be forced to use his secret weapon.

-x-x-

Five minutes later, he still wanted his cookie.

It was just a cookie. It couldn't really do much harm could it? It wasn't as if it was going to kill him, it was only going to make him slightly sicker. If he was sick, it meant he could miss out on another day of training, and who liked going to training? It was just another reason for others to tell you how bad you suck. Getting sick was no reason to take away his cookie!

Right now he was apparently watching TV. Well, at least that's what he hoped he looked like. In reality, he was just plotting up another plan to somehow get his hands on one.

"Hey Cloud, I'm just going to the bathroom. That is not an invitation to go into the kitchen. Got it?"

His eyes lit up, it was the perfect time to get a cookie. It took everything he had to not let his ears and tail perk up. "Mmkay."

"I'll be back in a minute so don't do anything stupid." And older raven left.

As soon as he left, Cloud acted. He ran straight into the kitchen, not caring for the random obstacles in his way, there were cookies on the line and Angeal was coming back any minute. He got so close; so close that he almost got to actually hold one in his hands, until Zack came in.

"Hey, Cloudy!" he said in a bright cheery voice, almost as if he actually let him have a cookie.

The blond froze millimeters away from a cookie.

_Shit! Again!_

Zack seemed to notice what he was doing because he was slowly walking toward the blond. "Spiky, step away from the cookie."

He made a last minute move and grabbed a cookie before Zack tackled him. Being bigger than him, Zack quickly managed to straddle him on the ground while attempting to retrieve the stolen cookie.

"ZAAACK! Get off! You're crushing my tail! Get OFF!"

"NO, bad, Spiky! Give me the cookie!"

"Never!"

"ANGEEAALL! Help me!"

Cloud froze and cursed in his head. '_motherfuckin' piece of shit…_'

It was that moment that allowed Zack to retrieve the cookie and Cloud watched as the sugary baked good fell victim to the force known as gravity. It was like one of the Matrix movies, everything stopped but one thing, the cookie. Instead, it hurdled towards the ground in slow motion until it crashed with the floor.

In less than a second later he was looking at the two very angry faces of Zack and Angeal. And a second after that, he being dragged into the bedroom by said men, kicking and screaming all the way for a cookie before the same men locked him inside said bedroom.

"Sorry, Cloud, but you're going to have to stay in here until dinner." He Angeal say from the other side. He could vaguely hear a quick message to Zack about him not getting out before hearing footsteps.

There was a thud against the wall before he heard Zack. "Sorry, Spiky, but you're not allowed a cookie."

He figured it was useless to try and escape. Instead, he settled for collapsing on the bed, feeling depressed. He still wanted a cookie and if didn't get one then he **would **use his secret weapon, even if he really didn't want to.

What killed him the most was not the fact he didn't get a cookie or that fact that he was locked inside the bedroom, no. The real reason why was upset was because they wasted a perfectly good cookie, they would've thrown it into the trash by now. Dammit.

'_I mean, come on, haven't they ever heard of the 'ten second rule'?'_

-x-x-

He must've fallen asleep or taken a very quick nap because he found himself waking to the sound of a door slamming shut and Zack yelling _'Gen! Seph!'_ followed by Angeal trying to calm the younger raven down. Then he noticed the aroma of food in the room. It smelled of dinner and cookies.

And somehow, it reminded him that his quest for those cookies was not over.

He was not giving up, not at all. Not until he passed out or his body decided it wanted to shut down on him for that stupid cold. And that, he figured, was not going to happen unless his boyfriends decided to knock him out cold, which was something they _might _actually do.

Never had he been more grateful to his new attachments until now. With the ears, he could hear exactly who was talking and what they were doing. From what he could hear, they were talking and mentioning something about him being asleep with the TV in the background. It was the perfect distraction.

It was also his last chance for a cookie.

It was now or never. Instead of sneaking to the kitchen, he would just make a mad dash to get a cookie and hope to Gaia that they were all too distracted to notice a blond cadet making a dive head first for a cookie. Hopefully, at least.

Keyword there. Hope.

Of course with his luck, Cloud should've known. It didn't go as planned at all, in all honesty, it failed horribly. Kinda. It went well until he reached the living room and went for the dive for the kitchen.

Then it all went to hell. Kinda.

It was Genesis who noticed him first followed by Sephiroth, Angeal and then Zack. It was like something snapped inside all of them, all at the same time, because before he knew it they all dived at him from different directions trying to trap him.

Thankfully, with his small frame, he was able to dodge and avoid all the attempts to stop him and reached his goal. He felt like Indiana Jones when he found a lost artifact, instead this time the artifact was a plate of homemade double choc chip cookies. Delicious sugary treats filled with chocolaty goodness.

What Cloud didn't notice was the four angry looking boyfriends surrounding him. Until he looked up, that is.

Then he noticed another thing. They backed him up to a corner with no escape.

So he did the only thing he could, he cradled the plate of sugary goodness, wrapping himself protectively around plate.

"Kitten, let go of the cookies and you can have some when you're not sick." Sephiroth tried to sooth.

Genesis tried after, "Come on, love, put the cookies down."

'_Screw that.'_

"Cloud, I promise I'll make you more after you get better." The cadet ignored the eldest in favor of protecting the plate.

"Spiky, Please?" and he turned just in time to see Zack pout at him.

'_Oh Hell NO!'_

He did not go through that much trouble just to give up now, inches away from eating one. If they weren't going to let him have one then he would have to use secret weapon. He didn't want it to come to this but he was left with no choice and no other options.

'_I warned you guys.'_ He thought.

He looked up to see the still pissed off faces of his boyfriends and pulled out his ultimate weapon. The one he didn't want to use.

He pouted.

He gave them his best 'kicked puppy' look he could muster, the same one that put all others – even Zack's – to shame. The one that came with his lower lip trembling and had his blue eyes wide and wet with tears threatening to fall.

And he watched as all his lovers' faces soften and melt.

-x-x-

Ten minutes later, he sat on the couch happily munching on the plate of cookies as he watched his boyfriends' sulk. It's not his fault that they can't say no to that look or the fact they, more or less, had no backbone when it came to him.

He vaguely thought that they were probably right and he was going to get worse again, but that thought quickly passed.

'_Ah, fuck it.'_

Besides he had a plate of homemade motherfuckin' double choc chip cookies.

_End._

**-x-x-**

**Sorry…it's a bit rushed but I haven't slept in three days so….**

**Hope you enjoyed.**


	2. Here, Kitty Kitty

**Here, Kitty Kitty**

**A/N:**** Freakin' CRAP! It's been a while. I am so sorry for not updating in a year, so here's a new update. By the way, these stories are not in any sort of order whatsoever. **

**Warnings:**** crack, abuse of the word 'kitty', swearing.**

**Rated T for language**

**Pairing:**** ASGZC. Mainly Z/C in this one.**

**Summary****: Surprise! Ball of yarn + one Cloud Strife = OH HELL NO.**

**I own nothing.**

-x-x-

"Here, Kitty Kitty!"

"Screw you, Zack!"

"C'mon, Kitty, follow the ball of yarn!"

"…"

"C'mon, Kitty!"

Cloud Strife could feel one of eyebrows twitch and maybe even one of his ears. The twitching could only really mean one thing. One very important piece of information that may or may not be vital to a certain someone's life.

Simple. Cloud Strife. IS. NOT. AMUSED.

At all.

-x-x-

All he wanted to do was finish his homework so he didn't have to do it later and so he could do more fun, important things – *cough cough*. He was doing fine until Zack decided to come home to the apartment they shared, and the one he was technically not aloud to live in, carrying a small paper bag. He wasn't even subtle or quiet about his arrival either. Oh no, in true Zack Fair fashion, he kicked the door open before announcing his arrival with a very loud 'I'M HOME' all the while carrying that little paper bag with a maniacal grin on his face.

And that was when he knew the contents of the bag contained pure fucking evil.

Because when Zack Fair has that look in his eye, you know he's up to something and you know to not get involved because it's most likely going to fail.

Hence why he was looking at the bag like whatever inside was the scum of the earth. And really, it was because inside that bag was a ball of yarn. A blue fucking ball of yarn with a grinning Zack looking down on him.

He could already feel his eye twitch. Blood was going to spilt today.

"Hey, Cloudy, look at what I got you! I thought you might get bored doing homework all the time and since you don't have any fun, I bought you a ball of yarn! Isn't it cool? Now you can chase with it all your kitty heart's content and you wouldn't be embarrassed for acting the a little kitty!" the megawatt smile that accompanied that entire sentence was enough to make Cloud want to strangle the raven-haired man.

"Zack, I don't know if you know this but I am actually not a cat. I may have a pair of cat ears and a stupid freakin' tail, but believe it or not, that doesn't make me a cat. Not now or ever." He really tried his hardest not to have homicidal thoughts during that. Really, he did.

"Don't be stupid, Cloudy, of course you are. Don't worry, it just makes you more adorably squishy and cute and–"

"…"

"Now come on, Cloudy, be a good kitty and follow the ball of yarn!"

"I hate you."

And he promptly went back to doing his homework.

-x-x-

That had been nearly an hour ago. And so that meant for the last hour, Zack had been trying to get him to chase after that little blue ball of evil. And for every attempt, he was getting more and more annoyed.

And an annoyed Cloud Strife is a dangerous Cloud Strife.

Not that Zack seemed to care or even notice. Even if he did notice, he was too busy waving that blue ball of yarn in front of his face every five minutes. Quite clearly, Zack Fair was asking for a death sentence. A very long, slow, painful death sentence with a slight chance of dismemberment on the side.

"Come on, Kitty, come get your favourite ball of yarn." And he proceeded to wave that thing in his face again. Oh yes, Zack Fair was asking for a very painful, torturously slow death sentence, complete with dismemberment and everything else.

"Zack, if you do that again I will cut your limbs off with a chainsaw and then I'll run you over with a steamroller and feed your remains to the nearest monster I can find, or I will give your remains to the science department so choose your actions carefully." He said in the calmest voice he could manage, because, really, he just wanted to finish his homework so he could get to the sexyfuntimes later.

"No you won't, Kitty, you love me too much and he would be sad if you killed me." He sounded way too happy after that threat.

"Seriously Zack, if you do that again, I will not be responsible for my actions."

He really, really won't.

"Don't be silly, Kitty, of course you won't."

He felt his eyebrow and one of his ears twitch again. He groaned internally, all he wanted to do was finish his homework. Really, was that so hard? He thought he could do it in the apartment while all his lovers were either in their offices working or out for the peace and quiet, then he could take a nap to wait for them or finish his homework in peace if they came home early. But apparently not, apparently he was wrong.

Worst part of all, there was no Angeal, Genesis or Sephiroth to calm Zack down.

"Come on, Kitty!"

He felt himself twitch.

"Here, Kitty Kitty!"

He struggled to find his happy place

"Kitty!"

He would not kill his boyfriend. Just think of the bloodstains he would have to clean up.

"Kitty!"

Bloodstains were a bitch to get out of carpet.

"Kitty!"

Think of the lecture he would get.

"Kitty!"

Bloodstains and lectures. Bloodstains and lectures. Bloodstains and lectures…

"Aw… Here, Kitty Kitty, come get the ball of yarn!" And Zack waved that horrible, stupid blue ball of pure fucking evil in his face.

The other male just grinned.

OH HELL NO!

"…"

And he launched himself at the other male, aiming for his throat.

Cloud Strife. IS. NOT. FUCKING. AMUSED.

-x-x-

Several minutes later loud screams of, "ANGEAL, GENESIS, SEHPIROTH! HELP ME! CLOUDY'S TRYING TO KILL ME! HELP!" were heard several floors below and above the apartment.

_End._

**-x-x-**

**Don't even know were that came from…**


	3. Ice Cream Man

**Ice Cream Man**

**A/N:**** So I've had a bit of writer's block… Anyway, the title is pure crack!**

**Summary:**** They just wanted to go out but then they got separated — one thing's for sure, Cloud is not allowed out by himself.**

**Pairing:**** ASGZC**

**Rated T for language. Cloud has potty mouth.**

**I own nothing. Nihil. Nada.**

-x-x-

See, he's always been told that he may have a slight problem, nothing health wise but, nonetheless something that could potentially be dangerous. Many times during his childhood, his mother had sat him down and told him of the dangers of the world and about human monsters that might want him.

See, he had this problem where he was kind of pretty.

Okay, scratch that.

He was pretty.

He was really, definitely pretty.

According to his boyfriends anyway, but then again they were his boyfriends so they had to say nice things about him anyway and they were maybe, just slightly, biased in their opinion. Not that he listened to them anyway, he hated being called pretty— absolutely fucking despised it. He was a guy dammit! Guys were not pretty, regardless or not if they like it up the ass – as he maybe, kind of did. But his point stands, guys were not supposed to be called pretty and calling him one was not a good idea and usually led one's self to physical and some psychological damage. This led to his other problem.

The one where he could sometimes forget that he was pretty.

Years of being called pretty made him able to ignore the calls most of the time. After a couple hundred times he usually snapped or sometimes he was reminded when someone tries to feel him up or some sort, but most of the times he forgot that he was pretty. He was desensitized, really.

And that led to his other, other problem. His current problem.

You know, the one in which he is currently lost in the slums? Yeah, that problem.

See, they went out tonight. Nothing they haven't done before, just out for dinner and a movie. Then Zack went on and suggested to meet his friend Aerith in the Slums. Apparently she needed some help making something and since they had nothing better to do, they agreed. Now the problem with that is that Cloud hasn't been to the Slums very often, he was more likely to get lost and that wouldn't have been any trouble if he stayed with his boyfriends. Sadly, as if the universe hated him, he got lost. He might've stopped paying attention or gotten distracted because one minute they were in front of him and the next minute, they weren't. And somehow, he's ended up at the Wall Market with no PHS.

Which leads back to his first and second problem.

See, he's heard stories about the Wall Market, not all of them good and he's heard stories about Don Corneo and _no, just no_. He's gotten used to men staring at him but it doesn't help that half the men in the slums have been eyeing him like some piece of meat and the men in the Wall Market, in particular, are even worse— they just openly want to eat him. And those stares was how he was reminded of his prettiness.

And the first thing on his mind is shitmotherfuckingbitchdickba llsshitfuck,

_Crap. I'm so screwed. Figuratively and maybe, literally… I'm gonna get assfucked._

So when his non-existent luck runs out and he ends up in an alley with a dead end, he knows he's fucked. And surely enough, not even a minute later, there's a man that follows him into the alley. He was huge, at least twice the size of Cloud, but most of it was just fat, and behind him was another man, not as big but still bigger than Cloud. Both were ugly as hell and both stunk, and looked, like they haven't showered in ages.

"Well, well, look what we have here." The fatter one smiled, disgusting teeth and all, "Looks like the little boy's lost."

Cloud grit his teeth. Fuck.

The other man grinned. "Maybe we should help the boy out, you know, be good citizens."

The fatter man looked back to his partner, "We should, shouldn't we? Come on little boy, follow us and you can give us a reward."

His partner, personally nicknamed Fatty, stopped, "Wait, how do we know he's a boy? He looks awfully pretty to be one."

_Oh hell no._

It was like bad porn dialogue.

Cloud grit his teeth harder.

"He's probably one of those pretty boys besides, he'll probably make a great bitch." Fatter replied.

_Oh. Hell. No._

_Fuck it._

_BITCHES GOIN' DIE!_

-x-x-

They were walking in companionable silence— well they were, Zack wasn't. People buzzed around them and made him think to keep Cloud close. Cloud, unlike Genesis, had not been here very often and could get lost here and not know the way out. So he turned to get Cloud only to realize their youngest was not in their midst.

So he did the only thing he could think of, "Guys, where's Cloud?"

Immediately Zack, Angeal and Sephiroth came to a halt. "What do you mean?" Sephiroth said lowly.

"He was behind us wasn't he? Now he's not." He said simply.

Without a word, they all spilt up to find their youngest. "Meet up at the Wall Market, fifteen minutes!" shouted Sephiroth as he ran, going into General mode.

Fifteen minutes later, not one of them had found the little blond cadet. They met up at the Wall Market as planned, all of them thinking the worst. Genesis knew what could happen to the little blond and dreaded the what might be the results. Cloud was pretty, in a building with a far higher population of male than females, it was bad enough, but out in the Slums where there are very few rules the people abide by, it was far worse.

He was stuck imagining the worst possible scenarios when he heard a familiar voice yelling, "WHO'S THE BITCH NOW, FUCKERS!" from an alley.

Wait. What?

"SUCK IT!"

Cloud's voice was filled with psychotic glee. The type he had when he was carrying out his threats— his very deadly, capable of making SOLDIERs of all class shit their pants, sort of threats. And in that second he was staring to rethink the whole 'find Cloud before…' thing because that voice, especially with that tone, was never to be messed with, even under threat of death. Cloud could and probably would do worse than what was first threatened.

He wasn't the one starting to rethink the whole mission. Zack, Angeal and Sephiroth were all staring at the alley with apprehension, even the rest of ShinRa's finest knew better than to bother the owner of the of the voice. They all stood there for about a minute before someone made the move to enter what he would now like to call 'The Alley of the Terrible Manpain'— because some of the sounds coming from there was definitely from manpain.

It was Angeal who made the first move. He stared the alley down like a man at the gallows, took a deep breath and moved. For a brief moment, Genesis considered praying for the man. Sephiroth went next and then only he and Zack were left. They stared at each other and went after the man.

He didn't expect the scene he stumbled on.

Really, his Kitten never ceased to amaze him.

-x-x-

When Cloud saw shadows at the opening of the alley he didn't think much of it. He was too busy with the bastards who thought it was smart to call him pretty. So when arms wrapped around his waist, he freaked the fuck out. "Get off. Get off. Get off…!"

"Calm down, Kitten." Angeal's voice filled his ears. "Had to make sure you didn't kill anyone."

He 'hmpft' and some of his semi-psychotic rage finally wore off. The two men were a mess, blood and dirt stained their clothes and face, Fatty was openly whimpering. More shadows caught his eye, he twisted around in Angeal's grip to face his other boyfriends.

His mood brightened considerably, and his semi-psychotic rage depleted even more. "Seph! Gen! Zack!" he felt better with all is boyfriends around.

Fatter saw the other men, but only saw them as a form of aid, not his boyfriends and spat out, "Thank Gaia! Get the psychotic bitch away from us!"

The fallen man obviously saw his mistake when all the newcomers' eyes narrowed. Cloud felt his psychotic rage bubble up again and struggled against Angeal's hold.

"GEEAL!" he was not whining, "Lemme go! I wanna kill them! Please?" he gave a small pout, "I won't kill them much!"

Angeal just gave him a long suffering sigh. "No."

"Please? Just a little?"

Angeal gave him a disapproving glare, "No."

"…"

"Still no."

"You suck. A lot."

The two fallen men looked at them like they were insane, they took the moment to run like hell from the alley, bleeding and all, past Zack, Genesis and Sephiroth and into the Wall Market. The three just looked at each other with amused glances – it was funny watching two big men get beaten by a little blond with a slight psychotic problem.

As the men got away, Cloud struggled even more. "Angeeaal! Lemme go!"

The older man sighed a again and carried him to the others. He twisted around and buried his in the nearest chest. He felt fingers through his hair and sulked.

"What did they do, Kitten?" he heard Genesis' amused voice.

"They called me pretty." He sulked more.

His response made every one laugh.

"t's not funny." And he pouted.

He yelped as he was roughly moved to Angeal's shoulder. "All right, let's go." The older man said.

"GEEAL! Lemmo down! Lemme go!" he got ignored again, "ZACK! GEN! SEPH! Tell him to put me down!" It got Cloud more amused chuckles, "It isn't funny!" and no he was not whining.

-x-x-

Later that night, they all lay in their giant, custom-made bed. None of them were asleep but they were all silent, as if they were in deep thought, well most of them were, Cloud was just drifting. Several minutes later, Genesis' voice rang out in the silence.

"So it's official then— Cloud is not allowed out alone."

There were hums of agreement, nearly all of them except the blond agreed. He was drifting off to the land of sleep when the heard the statement, he was about the agree when he sleep addled mind finally caught up and—

_Wait._

"Hey!—What!"

_**End.**_

**-x-x-**

**Halfway through this I started thinking about airports… I don't even know why.**


End file.
